HBO Real Time Returns!

“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”

- Bill Maher -

“Why are decent citizens still being jailed for smoking the wrong plant, easing the suffering of the terminally ill, or accepting cash for sex instead of the customary dinner and drinks?”

- Bill Maher -

“Wow just read Oxford Dictionary added OMG and LOL as words! WTF??”

- Bill Maher -

“There’s a reason small towns are small. No one wants to live there.”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”

- Bill Maher -

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”

- Bill Maher -

“George Bush, compared to these tea baggers, he looks like a professor.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Real Axis of Evil in America is the Genius of our marketing and the gullibility of our people”

- Bill Maher -

“Sarah Palin visited Israel and stood at the Wailing Wall and said ‘I stood here for 45 minutes and didn’t see one whale.'”

- Bill Maher -

“Tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people.”

- Bill Maher -

“Why do people act shocked whenever NASCAR drivers get into an accident what?! No! One minute he’s flying around an oil-slicked track at 200 mph, and the next minute: gone!”

- Bill Maher -

“When you tolerate intolerance, you are not really being a liberal.”

- Bill Maher -

“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!”

- Bill Maher -

“Over half of Republicans believe in Creationism – for those too young to recall, they didn’t used to be the party of ignorance-what happened?”

- Bill Maher -

“I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws? “

- Bill Maher -

“It is being reported that a third of the world watched the royal wedding – and yet they claim gays are only 3 pct of population?”

- Bill Maher -

“There was a revolution in the Arab country of Tunisia. Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids”

- Bill Maher -

“Trump rides the bus with Billy Bush and we throw Al Franken under it.”

- Bill Maher -

“It seems like we have to tax something, why not rich dead people? Of all the things you could tax; they don’t have any need for the money, on account of that whole being dead thing.”

- Bill Maher -