HBO Real Time

“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is bad, drugs are good.”

- Bill Maher -

“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'”

- Bill Maher -

“Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.'”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.”

- Bill Maher -

“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”

- Bill Maher -

All religion is just an opinion.

- Bill Maher -

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do.”

- Bill Maher -

“To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who’s your real friend? It’s the person who tells you the truth. That’s who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.”

- Bill Maher -

“It’s amazing, the world now has more oil than it has places to store it. Even Don Jr.’s hair is at capacity.”

- Bill Maher -

“The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.”

- Bill Maher -

“The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t hate America. I love America. Thomas Jefferson lived in America. Mark Twain lived in America. So did Billie Holiday and Frank Lloyd Wright… and a lot of other people Sarah Palin never heard of.”

- Bill Maher -

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”

- Bill Maher -

“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”

- Bill Maher -