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Returns May 31, 2024

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Schedule

BILL MAHER COMEDY TOUR

June 1, 2024
Sat • 8 pm
Spotlight 29 Showroom
Coachella, CA
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June 4, 2024
Tue • 8 pm
Robert Frost Auditorium
Culver City, CA
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June 21, 2024
Fri • 9 pm
David Copperfield Theatre at MGM Grand Hotel & Casino
Las Vegas, NV
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June 22, 2024
Sat • 9 pm
David Copperfield Theatre at MGM Grand Hotel & Casino
Las Vegas, NV
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July 13, 2024
Sat • 8 pm
Orpheum Theatre
Minneapolis, MN
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View More Scheduled Dates
“Why are decent citizens still being jailed for smoking the wrong plant, easing the suffering of the terminally ill, or accepting cash for sex instead of the customary dinner and drinks?”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”

- Bill Maher -

“Why do people act shocked whenever NASCAR drivers get into an accident what?! No! One minute he’s flying around an oil-slicked track at 200 mph, and the next minute: gone!”

- Bill Maher -

“As you go down the path of life, ask what’s true. Not who else believes it.”

- Bill Maher -

“If everyone likes you, you have never said anything true. Anytime you speak the truth, some people are going to hate you.”

- Bill Maher -

“What do you think would happen if tomorrow Obama showed up with Kanye’s crop circles shaved into his head? Stock market would lose 5,000 pts.”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is insanity by consensus.”

- Bill Maher -

“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”

- Bill Maher -

“I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?”

- Bill Maher -

“There are good people who do good things, there are bad people who do bad things, but to get a good person to do a bad thing takes religion.”

- Bill Maher -

“We owe China a trillion dollars. I opened a fortune cookie the other day, it said, ‘Pay up, deadbeat.'”

- Bill Maher -

“It is being reported that a third of the world watched the royal wedding – and yet they claim gays are only 3 pct of population?”

- Bill Maher -

“It’s amazing, the world now has more oil than it has places to store it. Even Don Jr.’s hair is at capacity.”

- Bill Maher -

“George Bush, compared to these tea baggers, he looks like a professor.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you don’t know how to feel about the arrest of Julian Assange here’s the rule in Trumpworld: Hiding in an embassy? Bad if you have secrets. Chopping someone up in an embassy? Good if you have oil.”

- Bill Maher -

“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t hate America. I love America. Thomas Jefferson lived in America. Mark Twain lived in America. So did Billie Holiday and Frank Lloyd Wright… and a lot of other people Sarah Palin never heard of.”

- Bill Maher -

“The BP oil spill is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.”

- Bill Maher -

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