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Schedule

BILL MAHER COMEDY TOUR

April 1, 2023
Sat • 8 pm
Paramount Theater
Seattle, WA
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April 2, 2023
Sun • 7 pm
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall
Portland, OR
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April 22, 2023
Sat • 8 pm
The Theater at MGM National Harbor
Washington, DC
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May 20, 2023
Sat • 8 pm
MGM Northfield Park – Center Stage
Northfield, OH
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View More Scheduled Dates
“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”

- Bill Maher -

“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”

- Bill Maher -

“Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”

- Bill Maher -

“It seems like we have to tax something, why not rich dead people? Of all the things you could tax; they don’t have any need for the money, on account of that whole being dead thing.”

- Bill Maher -

“I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws? “

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do.”

- Bill Maher -

“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do.”

- Bill Maher -

“Men are only as loyal as their options.”

- Bill Maher -

“Don’t you miss the days when America was just MORALLY bankrupt?”

- Bill Maher -

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