HBO Real Time Friday, May 7, 2021

“To really understand how whack religion is, you have to look at the new religions– which for this country is Mormons and Scientologists. Who I think should merge and make Mormontology.”

- Bill Maher -

“Why do people act shocked whenever NASCAR drivers get into an accident what?! No! One minute he’s flying around an oil-slicked track at 200 mph, and the next minute: gone!”

- Bill Maher -

“Sarah Palin finally heard what happened to Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“Over half of Republicans believe in Creationism – for those too young to recall, they didn’t used to be the party of ignorance-what happened?”

- Bill Maher -

“If everyone likes you, you have never said anything true. Anytime you speak the truth, some people are going to hate you.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”

- Bill Maher -

“The Real Axis of Evil in America is the Genius of our marketing and the gullibility of our people”

- Bill Maher -

“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”

- Bill Maher -

“It seems like we have to tax something, why not rich dead people? Of all the things you could tax; they don’t have any need for the money, on account of that whole being dead thing.”

- Bill Maher -

“Isn’t the problem that almost all Republicans are conservative, but not all Democrats are liberal?”

- Bill Maher -

“Is it just me or does Times Square look like Tokyo now?”

- Bill Maher -

“Michelle Bachman for President. As a comedian, all I can say is, where can I donate to this cause?”

- Bill Maher -

“There’s a reason small towns are small. No one wants to live there.”

- Bill Maher -

“Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.”

- Bill Maher -

“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t hate America. I love America. Thomas Jefferson lived in America. Mark Twain lived in America. So did Billie Holiday and Frank Lloyd Wright… and a lot of other people Sarah Palin never heard of.”

- Bill Maher -

“There was a revolution in the Arab country of Tunisia. Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids”

- Bill Maher -

“Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what is ruining this country.”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -