HBO Real Time May 15th

“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!”

- Bill Maher -

“There was a revolution in the Arab country of Tunisia. Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”

- Bill Maher -

“Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.”

- Bill Maher -

“It seems like we have to tax something, why not rich dead people? Of all the things you could tax; they don’t have any need for the money, on account of that whole being dead thing.”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is bad, drugs are good.”

- Bill Maher -

“To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who’s your real friend? It’s the person who tells you the truth. That’s who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.”

- Bill Maher -

“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”

- Bill Maher -

“When you tolerate intolerance, you are not really being a liberal.”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

All religion is just an opinion.

- Bill Maher -

“If everyone likes you, you have never said anything true. Anytime you speak the truth, some people are going to hate you.”

- Bill Maher -

“The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”

- Bill Maher -

“It’s amazing, the world now has more oil than it has places to store it. Even Don Jr.’s hair is at capacity.”

- Bill Maher -

“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”

- Bill Maher -

“As you go down the path of life, ask what’s true. Not who else believes it.”

- Bill Maher -

“To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -