July 10, 2021
Sat • 8 pm
Sat • 8 pm
Majestic Theatre
San Antonio, TX
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HBO Real Time Friday, June 18, 2021
Nikki Glaser - Paul Begala - Jane Coaston
Friday, June 18, 2021 at 10 pm
Watch on HBO and HBO Max
Visit HBO Real Time
Schedule
BILL MAHER COMEDY TOUR
July 16, 2021
Fri • 10 pm
Fri • 10 pm
Terry Factor Theatre
Las Vegas, NV
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July 17, 2021
Sat • 10 pm
Sat • 10 pm
Terry Factor Theatre
Las Vegas
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July 31, 2021
Sat • 8 pm
Sat • 8 pm
Buddy Holly Hall
Lubbock, TX
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August 1, 2021
Sun • 8 pm
Sun • 8 pm
ACL Live at the Moody Theatre
Austin, TX
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“It’s amazing, the world now has more oil than it has places to store it. Even Don Jr.’s hair is at capacity.”
“Why do people act shocked whenever NASCAR drivers get into an accident what?! No! One minute he’s flying around an oil-slicked track at 200 mph, and the next minute: gone!”
“Tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people.”
“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”
“Sarah Palin on her Facebook page said she still believes in death panels. You know what, Sarah, if we were going to get rid of useless people, you would be the first to know.”
“Sarah Palin finally heard what happened to Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami.”
“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'”
“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”
“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”
“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!”
“Over half of Republicans believe in Creationism – for those too young to recall, they didn’t used to be the party of ignorance-what happened?”
“Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.”
“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”
“It is being reported that a third of the world watched the royal wedding – and yet they claim gays are only 3 pct of population?”
“Isn’t the problem that almost all Republicans are conservative, but not all Democrats are liberal?”
“There was a revolution in the Arab country of Tunisia. Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids”
“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”
“Michelle Bachman for President. As a comedian, all I can say is, where can I donate to this cause?”
“The BP oil spill is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.”
“We fear different things. I fear climate change. They fear a demon in a red bodysuit… with a pitchfork.”
HEADLINES
June 18, 2021
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, June 18, 2021
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, June 11, 2021
June 4, 2021
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, June 4, 2021
May 28, 2021
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, May 28, 2021
May 14, 2021
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, May 14, 2021
May 7, 2021
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, May 7, 2021
April 30, 2021
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, Apr. 30, 2021
April 23, 2021
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, Apr. 23, 2021
April 16, 2021
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, Apr. 16, 2021
April 9, 2021
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, Apr. 9, 2021
VIDEOS
Getting It in the Nuts
Bill tells officials in drought-stricken California that it’s time to make a choice about water: getting it in the people, or getting it in the nuts.
Progressophobia
In his editorial New Rule, Bill argues that there’s a brain disorder affecting liberals that makes them incapable of recognizing the progress we’ve made on racism, sexism, and homophobia.
The College Scam
Bill delves into what ‘higher education’ in America really is: a racket that sells you a very expensive ticket to the upper middle class.
The Fault in Our Stars
In his editorial New Rule, Bill tells celebrities running for office: “You’re not good enough. You’re not smart enough. And doggone it, it completely doesn’t matter that people like you.”
Sex, Drugs & GOP
In his editorial New Rule, Bill reminds Democrats that they’re supposed to be the party of free love and good times – and to leave the uptight fun-sucking to Republicans.
Crypto Mania!
In his editorial New Rule, Bill explores the global cryptocurrency craze and the threat it poses to our economy and the environment.
OK Boomer
Ageism is the last acceptable prejudice in this country, but Joe Biden is the right man for this moment precisely because he IS old.
Give It to Me Straight, Doc
Bill calls on the medical establishment, media, and politicians to cut the spin and stick to the facts about public health threats.
The Debbies
Bill gives two thumbs down to the trend of virtue-signaling Oscar films.
Beware the Roaring 20’s
If we’re going to have a new Roaring ‘20s, let’s do it this time without the two things that made the last one suck: Prohibition and a Depression at the end of it.