HBO Real Time Nov. 15th

“To really understand how whack religion is, you have to look at the new religions– which for this country is Mormons and Scientologists. Who I think should merge and make Mormontology.”

- Bill Maher -

“The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.”

- Bill Maher -

“The BP oil spill is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.”

- Bill Maher -

“Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.”

- Bill Maher -

“As you go down the path of life, ask what’s true. Not who else believes it.”

- Bill Maher -

“To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I agree’.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“Tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people.”

- Bill Maher -

“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”

- Bill Maher -

“It’s amazing, the world now has more oil than it has places to store it. Even Don Jr.’s hair is at capacity.”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you don’t know how to feel about the arrest of Julian Assange here’s the rule in Trumpworld: Hiding in an embassy? Bad if you have secrets. Chopping someone up in an embassy? Good if you have oil.”

- Bill Maher -

“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”

- Bill Maher -

“Wow just read Oxford Dictionary added OMG and LOL as words! WTF??”

- Bill Maher -

“Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.”

- Bill Maher -

“Why are decent citizens still being jailed for smoking the wrong plant, easing the suffering of the terminally ill, or accepting cash for sex instead of the customary dinner and drinks?”

- Bill Maher -

“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!”

- Bill Maher -

“Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.'”

- Bill Maher -